I’ve been overdosing on the Olympics. My main focus has been on tennis, of course – Wimbledon 2012 2.0! Go Roger!!! – but I’ve also been watching the swimming and diving, and was especially riveted by the women’s team gymnastics.
Gymnastics is such a freaky ass sport.
First of all, the girls competing are all just that – girls. Little tiny girls wearing drag queen eye make-up and glitter in their hair. They all look like they swanned into the Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique at Walt Disney World and demanded the Full Princess Prostitute Package. And when they speak to one another, they squeal and say the words like and awesome a lot.
Then those same little girls march out in front of thousands of people, and perform the most jaw dropping physical feats. Like knocking out a series of back flips on a 4-inch wide balance beam. (How is that even possible???) Or effortlessly flying back and forth the uneven bars, while turning somersaults in the air. They’re like little ass-kicking glitter ninjas.
Equally fascinating are the gymnastic parents, who are stage moms on steroids. I couldn’t get enough of Jordyn-spelled-with-a-y Wieber’s mother, and thought that NBC should just keep the camera fixed on her while her daughter competed. The way she swooned and screamed, and gyrated in her seat, and made the crazy eyes, and then did that weird closed fist clapping thing . . . it was great TV. Someone needs to get this woman a reality show, stat.
Just imagine how amazing THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF THE OLYMPIC VILLAGE would be!