Because what could be cooler than resin antlers that double as a coat rack?

Nothing, that’s what.

Erich Ginder Ghost Antler Rack from Design Public.

12:52. That’s what time the delivery men showed up with my new lamp.
(And yes, I do remember that I gave up buying new lamps as my New Year’s resolution, but believe me: this one was worth breaking it for.)
Anyway, I was told to expect the delivery between eight a.m. and one p.m. today.
“Can you narrow it down at all?” I asked, when the driver called to make the delivery appointment. “Like closer to eight, or closer to one?”
No.
And, to give them their credit, they were here between eight and one . . . with eight minutes to spare. So, basically, Sam and I wasted the morning hanging around the house, attempting to entertain ourselves with trains and Carl the Dog books (him) and laundry (me).
Ah, well. At least my clothes are now clean, and my pretty new lamp is here. And I have a dentist’s appointment this afternoon, which is always something to look forward to.

Our first dog, Benny – a shar pei who, I can safely say, was the Worst Dog In The World – used to greet visitors at the door by trying to eat them. Every time we had someone over, we’d have to muzzle him, and then try to divert our guests attention, by gaily calling out, “Oh, don’t mind Benny, he’ll calm down in a minute . . . although it’s best if you don’t make eye contact with him.” Meanwhile, Benny would be growling and lunging up and attempting to chew through his muzzle.

So having a pug is a refreshing change. Pugs don’t try to eat your visitors. They do, however, try to lick them to death.

When someone comes to the door, Lulu becomes nearly apoplectic with delight. She’ll bound up to the door, yipping with delight, and then dance around on her hind legs like a circus bear, while occasionally taking a break to throw herself at our guests’ legs. She’s harmless . . . but enthusiastic.

Lulu, The Official Gaskell Family Greeter

This quickly breaks down all visitors into two camps: dog people and non-dog people.

Dog people are uniformly delighted by Lulu. As she leaps around manically, trying her damnedest to find a spare bit of skin to lick, they laugh and pet her and tell her how cute she is. And Lulu promptly rolls over on the ground, exposing her belly for caresses, like the pug slut she is.

Non-dog people just look terrified.

“Is she vicious?” one delivery man asked nervously. He was a big, strong man who could have easily kicked Lulu across the room, and looked a bit silly cowering back behind the door.

“Only if you’re a dog biscuit,” I replied, wondering how he would have dealt with a lunging, snarling Benny, who viewed all UPS men as The Enemy. If he was frightened of the silly eighteen-pound ball of fluff that is Lulu, my guess is not well.

Today at the L.C.: why chicken is a bad omen.

Which do you want to hear first?
The good news is that I’ve just signed on with Penguin to write a teen chick lit series called GEEK HIGH. The books will follow girl genius Miranda Bloom as she navigates her way through the thorny high school years. This will be in addition to my regular chick lit novels (TESTING KATE will be out in October, and then look for THE MOMMY WARS in 2007).
The bad news is that now that I’m responsible for writing three books a year, there’s no way in hell I’m going to make my Reading Project goal of reading fifty classics before my thirty-fifth birthday. (I have a little more than six months to go, and so far I’ve only read 16 RP books. And at least one of those – i.e., THE READER – was a cheat, since it wasn’t actually a classic, but just thrown in to plump up the numbers.) So unless I can figure out a way to actually stop time, there’s no way I’m going to be able to pull off reading thirty-four classics in a mere twenty-five weeks.
I will try to continue posting book reviews now and then (I just finished A TREE GROWS IN BROOKLYN, and it was wonderful), but all goals are out the window.

. . . to turn on your television, you read something like this:
GET REAL: Fox Reality ordering 10 half-hour episodes of The Rob and Amber Project, a docudrama that follows former Survivor and Amazing Race participants Rob and Amber Mariano as they continue their mission to stay in front of the camera, Daily Variety reports. The show will reportedly chronicle the couple’s move to Las Vegas, where Rob will try to become a professional attention whore, er, gambler.
From eonline.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Because if you’re going to be a slave to the clock, you might as well look at something pretty.

The George Nelson Petal Clock at MoMAstore.

Sam: Elmo dance!
Me: [Jiggling his stuffed Elmo and humming along to C+C Music Factory’s Gonna Make You Sweat.]
George: He wants you to make Elmo dance.
Me: That’s what I’m doing.
George: [critically] It looks more like Elmo’s having a seizure.
Me: Elmo has his own unique sense of rhythm.

Yes, I know this is an insane thing to want. A $328 dog bed . . . and that doesn’t even include the sheepskin throw. And, actually, it doesn’t really look all that comfortable either. But still . . . wouldn’t Lulu look so very, very pretty reclining on this?

I think so, too.

The Holden Pet Bunk from DWR.

I just caught Sam biting his nails. His toenails.
Clearly he gets this from his father’s side of the family.