Remember that kick ass houseboat Tom Hanks and his son occupied in Sleepless In Seattle? It’s for sale, and I soooooo want it. Sadly, I don’t have a spare $2.5 million hanging around, but it’s nice to dream.
The boring granny décor would have to go, but the house is yum. I can so see myself sitting out on the back deck, looking up at the stars, while A Kiss to Build a Dream On plays in the background . . .
(Yes, I understand that the house doesn’t come with a soundtrack. But this is my fantasy, damn it.)
My new young adult book, GEEK ABROAD, is being released on May 6th. It’s the sequel to GEEK HIGH, both written under my pen name, Piper Banks.
The publisher recommends it for kids ages 9-12, but I totally won’t mock you if you buy it for yourself. And think of it this way — it will give you a legitimate reason to head over to Barnes & Noble, where you can pass a pleasant afternoon guzzling mocha lattes and thumbing through a stack of magazines.
In which our heroine and her husband learn the pitfalls of attempting to S-P-E-L-L out words in front of the Child.
Our setting: the Child (a) has Pink Eye, and (b) loathes having eye drops administered. The Husband of our Heroine attempts to signal to her that it is time for the Child’s eyedrops . . . and our Heroine is too exhausted/ drunk/stupid to figure out what the hell he is talking about . . .
Husband: It’s time for E-Y-E-D-R-O-P-S Heroine: What? Are you spelling out Eeyore? Why? Husband: No. E-Y-E-D-R-O-P-S. Heroine: Drops? Drop what? I have no idea what you’re trying to say. Just tell me. Husband: For God’s sake! Eyedrops! We need to give him his eyedrops! Heroine: Oh! Is that what you were spelling? I didn’t get that at all. Child: NO!!!!!!! I DON’T WANT THE EYEDROPS!!!!! Husband: See? Heroine: [sighs deeply]
ME: I was watching The Real Housewives of New York City on Bravo today, and I came to a realization: you are incredibly lucky to have married me. GEORGE: Let me get this straight . . . watching this show made you feel better about yourself? ME: Absolutely. There are some really awful women out there. So lucky you, you got me! . . . Okay,why exactly are you laughing? This is not the time to laugh. This is the time to go out and buy me something sparkly.