I just finished watching last night’s episode, the third of the season, and have a question:

Have the judges started smoking crack off camera? Because that’s the only way I can make sense of this weeks judges’ table.

I love Kenley. I love her designs, her whole 40’s aesthetic. She’s adorable. And she got robbed last week, when she should have trounced Suede with her gorgeous gold cocktail dress. But Kenley’s week three dress was awful.

How did this:

Kenley’s Fugly Green and Purple Dress

Win over this:

Leanne’s Adorable LBD

How? That little black dress is perfect! So how did the 80’s-era remake — that the judge’s even joked looked like it was hiding a goiter! — possibly win? Hello? Nina? Michael?

And while you’re explaining Kenley’s win, please also tell me how Emily’s dress get her eliminated when compared with these:

Blayne’s Insane Dress

Jennifer’s Frumpy Clock Dress

Keith’s Toilet Paper Dress

Emily’s Comparatively Not-so-Bad Ruffle Dress

I understand they want to keep Blayne, Suede and Stella around just to annoy me, because that’s what reality show producers do: they weed out the boring people in favor of the crazy. It makes better drama.

(In our house, we pronounce this draaaaaaaaaa-ma in a Brooklyn accent.)

But why knock off Emily, in favor of the vanilla twins, Keith and Jennifer?

Madness.

This is the best video of a post-release reunion between a lion and his people I’ve ever seen.

Okay, so it’s the only one I’ve ever seen. But it’s still pretty cool. Make sure you have a box of Kleenex handy, because if this doesn’t make you tear up, you, my friend, are made of stone.

My apologies for the soppy Whitney Houston background music.

Update: The background story.
Update: Not only did George not cry when I showed him this — he is, after all, a lawyer — but he then showed me his favorite YouTube Lion video, which features a lion and crocodile having a tug-of-war with a poor, defenseless little baby water buffalo.
Me: GAH!
George: Isn’t that amazing?
Me: I show you a cuddly lion reunion, and you show me this!?! What is wrong with you?
George: [shrugging] I thought it was sort of cool.

I’ve decided I’m too Type A for Yoga. All that deep breathing distresses me.

From now on, I plan to instead focus my efforts on learning to smash tennis balls like Venus. Much more enjoyable form of stress relief.

In an effort to be more zen about life, I decided to take a yoga class today. I had visions of being blissed out, and smugly bragging to everyone about how I now live in the moment.

Ha.

First of all, it was really freaking hard. Oh, it started off easily enough. Lots of standing up straight, breathing through the nose, and feeling your strength flowing from the core. All of which I’m pretty good at (minus the flowing core strength, which sounds like bullshit to me anyway).

Then, all of a sudden, everyone starts contorting their bodies around like a mini-army of Gumbys, or really limber porn stars, while I’m standing there trying to balance on one leg without falling over. Unsuccessfully.

A woman who is not me strikes a yoga pose that I will never, ever be able to duplicate.

The low moment came when the teacher told everyone it was time to do a split. I couldn’t do a split when I was ten, never mind being limber enough to attempt one at . . . well. Quite a bit older than ten.

And after the class, I didn’t feel at all blissed out. True, when the guy at the Chick-Fil-A parked his fucking pick-up truck behind me, so I couldn’t back out of my parking spot, I didn’t get out and shatter his headlights with a baseball bat (as he so richly deserved). But I did lay on the horn, and mutter under my breath about what an asshole he was. Fair, but, I think, probably not very zen-like.