Me: Eww. The dog just kissed me. I’ve been kissed by a dog.

George: She’s full of love.

Me: No. She’s full of goldfish crackers that she snitched out of the pantry.

George: That’s almost the same as love.

The Evidence

Sam: Would you get mad at me if I threw a party without your permission?

Me: I’m curious about how you’d pull that off, considering you’re only eight years old.

Sam: Well, I’d do it on a night when you and dad were out of the house, going out to dinner or something.

Me: I don’t leave you alone when we go out.

Sam: Yes, I’d do it on a night when I have a babysitter.

Me: So, in this scenario, you and your babysitter are co-hosting a party while we’re out of the house?

Sam: Yes.

Me: Here’s how that would play out. First, I’d fire her immediately. And I wouldn’t pay her. And I’d call her parents and rat her out. So all and all, it seems unlikely that she’d make that choice.

Sam: You’d seriously do that?

Me: Oh, yes. Yes, I would.